So, as promised, I return to touch on such subjects as The Fashionification of Nerdery, unrequited friend-love, and morning meals. Buckle up!
Before any of that though, I need to first broadcast that I am entirely addicted to LOST and happened across a blog by a fellow-who's-never-seen-LOST-but-is-watching-and-blogging-the-last-season-from-that-perspective .. it is super funny and he's pretty witty, so naturally it becomes one of those things where female readers post comments like "you're so funny, marry me!" And you just know he's probably this unwashed sweatpants-clad character with no ambition and a disappointingly bad sense of comedic timing in person...but such is the beauty of this literary leviathon whose 1's and 0's act as charming buffers between sticky fingers and silly girls.
Trust me, it's not even a tangent. Read on!
(Oh right, Point of Reference: Chuck carries on from his thoughts on the media planting the desire for "fake love" or "the impractical" in us to another example of transference)
"Of course, this media transference is not all bad. It has certainly worked to my advantage, just as it has for all modern men who look and talk and act like me. We all owe our lives to Woody Allen," (p.5)
(I thought about posting contrasting photos of Woody Allen & Chuck Klosterman here for your viewing pleasure, but I like the idea of making this interactive and having you google them yourselves -- dooo it.)
What he's getting at here is that circa the 70s one scrawny, homely, bespectacled man managed to construct the prototype of what I shall refer to as The Weinery Guy Who Can Talk You Into Thinking He's A Desireable Novelty that has gone on to eclipse its maker and carry ironically on into Present Day. (Go even just read the imdb page for Manhattan and then stroll on down to your local record shop/cafe/sushi joint/art gallery/other trendily trendtacular obscurrific public place where rare artifacts that may have roots in the 70s exist. Here you shall find them, in devil may care trouser/shoe combinations, giving whimsically delivered monologues about European locales and amputated virtue, and making casual sexual references that they think make them seem culturally advanced because they're used where they don't necessarily belong.)
"But this is how media devolution works: It creates an archetype that eventually dwarfs its origin. By now, the 'Woody Allen Personality Type' has far greater cultural importance than the man himself," (p.5)
From here, we branch briefly into the promised topic of One-Sided Friend Love. Oy vey.
I think I can scientifically state that boys tend to "fall in love" with their girl friends more easily than vice versa. (My preferred responsive tactic in a large percentage of these scenarios is "Confident Obliviousness," in case you were curious.)(Not to be confused with "Actual Obliviousness," which is the default response.)(I dare you to decipher whether or not I reciprocate your love. I DARE you! mahah) But for real, the thing about this is: we have seriously been conditioned to think there is some kind of romantic inevitability underlying our co-ed friendships. Which is kind of crap, and kind of falls into that same category as the contrived Weinery Novelty Guy act in my book. Which I enjoy saying, 'cause I never really thought about it before in a specific sense.
"we are constantly reminded that the unattainable icons of perfection we lust after can never fulfill us like the platonic allies who have been there all along," (p.6)
"But herein lies the trap: We've also been trained to think this will always work out over the long term, which dooms us to disappointment," (p.6)
"The mass media causes sexual misdirection: It prompts us to need something deeper than what we want," (p.6)
It's interesting to realize what you've been culturally conditioned to "need." And to compare that to actual reality. To Truth. To take responsibility for grafting misled and false expectations onto your heart and for the disappointment you'd rather accuse of victimizing you. Here is where you learn that Disappointment is most often Stupidity/Greed/Lust/Selfishness/Ill-Advised or Uninformed or Underdeveloped Expectations in their ripe and harvested form. Sorry humans, it's a syndrome. I have it too.
So the Chuckster goes on to expose relationships based on this Dweeb Chic model as the equivalent of relationships based on finances or fame ("just another gimmick"), and admits that the Witty Intellectual facade he prefers to rock will ultimately find itself at the same Breakfast Table of Judgement as the Mogul facade and the Rockstar facade. When the stores of clever conversation (or material highs, or glamour) have been depleted and the RelationShip drifts on into the endless sea of Time...bearing its insatiable co-captains...well. Hold on. Chuck?
"It will go on for days or weeks or months or years, and I've already used everything in my vault. Very soon, I will have nothing more to say, and we will be sitting across from each other at breakfast, completely devoid of banter; she will feel betrayed and foolish, and I will suddenly find myself actively trying to avoid spending time with a woman I didn't deserve to be with in the first place. Perhaps this sounds depressing. That is not my intention. This is all normal. there's not a lot to say during breakfast. I mean, you just woke up, you know? Nothing has happened. If neither person had an especially weird dream and nobody burned the toast, breakfast is just the time for chewing Cocoa Puffs and/or wishing you were still asleep. But we've been convinced not to think like that. Silence is only supposed to happen as a manifestation of supreme actualization, where both parties are so at peace with their emotional connection that it cannot be expressed through the rudimentary tools of the lexicon; otherwise, silence is proof that the magic is gone and the relationship is over (hence the phrase 'We just don't talk anymore')," (p.7)
I really liked this bit. Thanks, Chuck. Dear everyone: remember that. If you know someone you're cool to sit around staring at ceilings with in silence, chances are good you've found treasure (or are well adjusted.)(or both.)
The next edition will feature some stuff about more increasingly dated pop culture gems like When Harry Met Sally and Sims I think. (Maybe I should write a book...I'll reference Jurassic Park and World of Warcraft in mine?)
