...it opens with Katherine Heigl reclining romantically in a field of grass, the exchange of a few sweet sunkissed nothings and the casual quoting of scripture, finally a kiss that actually defies the laws of physics -- I'm pretty sure they were both lying on their backs and the only parts of their bodies that touched were their lips. (okay, I exaggerated that last part. But not by much: he was partially on his side..but I scrutinized it and am confident I can state only their lips touched. Junior high dance chaperones would LOVE this movie.)
* la la laaaah cue the sound of sweeping vistas and long, layered pioneer garb fluttering in the wind *
~ Love's Enduring Promise ~
Oh -- hang on -- a weinery guy with a lot of swanky gizmos who looks like he wouldn't know which end of a hammer to hit stuff with has entered the plotline... brb, just gotta fall in love for a sec...
Okay, back. So anyways, I know you're already feverishly adding it to your "must see" list, so I won't ruin the whole thing for you. But for those of you who're like me and rarely actually get around to seeing your "must see's," I'll give you a brief synopsis for blog's sake:
*SPOILER ALERT!*
...so it's basically your classic girl meets older guy who offers her asylum via marriage when her age-appropriate husband is randomly killed in a freak pioneer accident / guy almost chops his leg off while cutting wood and spends 3/4 of a movie on the brink of death / mysterious stranger saves guy and his farm and his family and woos his conveniently aged daughter who I'm pretty sure goes from being 11 years younger than Katherine Heigl to 3 years younger than her in the span of ... wait. oh. This is where you find out that I'm actually summarizing two movies -- and that I've seen this one before and am watching it a second time, on purpose.
I've taken to blaming Sandra Bullock for things this week, and I'm pretty sure this one is on her too. (You may have been privy last week to the "Generation Boomerang" Facebook thread that was borne of my sentiments on adult-children -- after that gregarious evening of being an ambassador to Manhood, I decided I needed a "girl day" on the weekend to balance my gender identity back out -- enter: snazzy sleep-in hair, devil-may-care wardrobe [blankets are clothes, right?] and mid-90s Sandra Bullock romcom's)
Anyways, I forgot I started this with a scandalous title, so I should probably explain that before I forget:
I can't remember for sure, but I feel quite certain that this phrase comes from my pal Hannah (Halloween Hannah if you recall her from previous namedrops) -- she works at the library (which I kind of am jealous of) and sees all kinds of atrocious things there. And yes. Christian porn is one of these things. Only what she means by that (or now means via this scenario I'm inventing if I'm totally remembering things that never happened) is literally these exact movies -- it's a whole series apparently -- a Hallmark cheesefest of based-on-books "Christian Romance" that they offer on dvd via your local literature trove. (Who wants to come over for a marathon? Bring your best Snuggie and a bottle of merlot! And don't forget your kleenex and shame!) hahah oooh okay maybe that was mean. There are a few redeeming moments in them. Or something. Maybe I just like farms and jarring musical cues that tell me exactly what to feel. In any case -- I'm pretty positive Hannah and her handy vlogging skillz are to be credited. (I considered googling the term to see if credit was due elsewhere but I thankfully realized what a mistake that would be.)
And get ready to have your socks knocked off, as per usual, because YES -- 9 paragraphs in -- this does have something to do with the current (and almost only ever) book this book blog has been about. hahah. (But look at this: 2 entire related entries in 1 week! Progress! Note this, Taylor -- and bring it up at work so I feel compelled to finally finish this book and move on to a new one. Remind me that one of the next chapters is about my husband, Zack Morris.) The next chapter of Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs on the roster is actually simply entitled "Porn." I was considering skipping it and moving straight to the Cereal chapter (yes, at long last the cereal reference will be explained!) ... because most of the perspectives I have on porn are better "in the moment" discussions than blog fare ... but it all kind of came together in the perfect storm tonight, care of Hallmark and Britney Spears.
Britney Spears even makes a cameo in this entry, you ask? Naturally. Of all things/people/forces in this world, I feel Britney is the one I would be least surprised to see turn up in any given context. This is a power not many humans possess -- and I can't tell if it's a power we should avoid tampering with or aspire to...
So, to recap: Christians, porn, and Omnipresent Britney.
Keep all your limbs inside the trolley, because I have no idea what's about to happen.
"Everyone knows that the Internet is changing our lives...However, it certainly appears that the main thing the Internet has accomplished is the normalization of naked people on the World Wide Web, many of whom are clearly (clearly!) doing so for non-monetary reasons. Where were all these people fifteen years ago?" (p.110)
[ reminder: this book was published in 2003 -- date accordingly ]
[ sidenote: I read this book while in California a couple springs ago -- then a while later I saw a rerun of The OC where Seth was reading it...in California. I like things like this. ] [ also: I miss Seth and The OC ]
We are presently living in a culture where seeing Britney Spears at the local 7-11 probably wouldn't shock many of us -- and where seeing your third cousin from Nowhere, AB next to naked in casual Craven Facebook tags is an annual occurrance.
What kind of massive sneaky neutralization is this, I wonder? It's even stealthier than global warming. Waaay stealthier. Probably not as dangerous -- I doubt blurring the lines between celebrity and regular folk is going to cause massive global repercussions for mankind. OR IS IT?
Hahah okay those caps were silly ones, not super serious ones.
But so as not to leave you feeling like I led you down an anticlimactic descent into madness here, I will substantiate the caps to some extent:
"In less than a decade, millions of Americans went from (1) not knowing what the Internet was, to (2) knowing what it was but not using it, to (3) having an e-mail address, to (4) using e-mail pretty much every day, to (5) being unable to exist professionally or socially without it," (p.114)
Once, long long ago, in order to be a pinup girl (or a crooner, or a movie star, or anyone culturally noteworthy or "known") you had to have that middleman -- the machine -- of celebrity. It was more of a verb. Now, it's a noun. An insta-designation. The middleman has been unwittingly mowed down by tweens joyriding down the Information Superhighway, weilding more technology than they've been advised or educated enough to know what to do with, and EVERYONE is a walking editor-free tabloid.
So if we're all VIP celeb's, it would follow that we should aspire to the lifestyle, right? Minus Middleman, the charmed, branded, upgraded, softcore shower scened, bulletproofed Britney'n'Clyde status update is what's awaiting all of us in life! Hooray! Dear government, I'd like my Lexus in gunmetal, and if you could pre-program all my fave movies (you can find them in my FB profile) into the interior theatre system, that'd be greeeat.
I touched on this earlier in the "series" so I won't be redundant or draw this out much longer -- but I really am concerned with my generation's perception of their reality.
I see people in my hometown trying to live like they're inhabiting a Britney video and I am genuinely afraid for their children. Not just on a financial level, but on a familial level, a psychological level, and a spiritual level. I have a hard time, just from maybe overexposure to it, sometimes taking scripture literally and at face value -- but when it tags money as a tricky master to be avoided, there are leagues of wisdom beneath it. Stress where there should be peace, shame and debt where there should be stewardship and charity, time and space wasted on storage and accumulation where there should be time and space spent on family and community. How much we forfeit to the almightly dollar.
And not only am I concerned for these, but for the ones trying to live like they're inhabiting a Hallmark movie -- the aspiring Christian porn stars. Alas. They who might burn with me against the sacrifice of a family's life on the altar of Britney may first be required to remove the Katherine Heigl shaped planks from their own eyes...
Life is not a movie, of any genre. Okay maybe it's one movie.
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